“I was persuaded to do one of those Ancestry DNA saliva tests which detects your origins” says Michael Fabricant .  “Firstly, it turns out that going back hundreds of years, I am not from stock originating in the British Isles.  I am mainly southern Scandinavian and north German and with a little eastern European and Caucasus thrown in too.  No big surprise there to me.

“But there is also a substantial few percent of Polynesian (officially the area bounded by New Zealand, Hawaii, and Easter Island).

“This is a complete mystery to me.

“However, as the Queen has officially apologised to the Maoris over the unfair Treaty of Waitangi concluded in 1840,  I am considering “returning” to New Zealand to seek and claim back my ancestral homelands.  I may be asking the whips for an extended leave of absence.  I am also thinking of wearing a grass skirt for my next Prime Minister’s Question and if I am Maori, I’ll be practicing the haka.”